We know you want a perfect day. We know that some of our wedding couples at our Tudor barn wedding venue, Pledgdon Barn in Essex have spent months planning every detail in absolute minutiae.
One bride even arrived with a minute-by-minute schedule (literally) from 6am when she was to be woken, through to 2am – a multi-paged tiresome document with a lot of small print. Each bridesmaid and usher had a copy, we (the caterers and location owners) had copies – and it even came with photographs of key guests or entertainers so we’d know (in theory) what they looked like. Aagh. The bride even had her own copy of the plan beside her on the Top Table, which she checked and ticked off throughout the event.
No, no, no! That’s not right! You’re missing the point! If you’re so busy stage-managing this event to create a perfect video of what a perfect wedding is supposed to look like ….then you’re not actually ‘in the moment’ experiencing it in the ‘present’. You’re experiencing your own wedding day in theory rather than reality!!
I kid you not: by 8.07pm, we found a bridesmaid crying because she’d missed doing an allocated task at 8.04pm and feared what the bride would say. Later, ushers were in a panic, desperately looking for a missing copy of the plan and had to borrow ours: they were sweating with anxiety. Ghastly. The event became about timing, tick lists, endless tasks and the search for perfection. But perfection is elusive and whilst you’re busy searching for it, it’s busy spoiling your big day!
As well as being involved with our beautiful wedding business, I’ve been both a public speaker and a speaker trainer for decades. The thing that most gets in the way of someone delivering a wonderful speech, is over-thinking it, before, during and after (but particularly during). Anytime you’re aware of your own head-thoughts, then you’re not being engaged and connected with the audience. And it’s the same with the wedding. Yes, you absolutely need to think through the event in detail (particularly from the guests’ points of view) in advance…but once the plan’s conceived and your team is eager to do their part – then your main, most important task, is to enjoy your day.
So plan away, keeping it in perspective and definitely remembering what it will be like for the other guests (eg it’s no good you having tons of photos of your close wedding party, whilst the other guests are freezing or starving or bored!). You are hosts as well as the stars of this show, and it’s your job to make everyone feel included.
However, I say again, when it gets to the day itself, trust that you’ve done all the liaising and planning, delegating and tweaking – and just get on with enjoying the day, knowing that whatever occurs, you’ll deal with it the best you can. No need to ‘play chess’ in your head, making all the moves ahead of time re what ‘might’ happen. That will just create anxiety unnecessarily. So instead, go with it all, rain or shine – and love it, laughing your whole day long. ‘Perfect’ might indeed be a little dull. People remember the other stuff better! Also, you know how a stressed parent in turn ‘creates’ a stressed child – well it’s the same with the bride and groom. If you are anxious, then the reception atmosphere reflects it and it’s like a chain reaction, spreading to all there. So instead, set the happiness ball rolling, and it will, like a snowball, spread and get bigger and more irresistible until absolutely everyone is smiling, laughing and loving the whole day long….and that is the perfect wedding.
Barn wedding venue, Essex
Article provided by Jane Malyon of Pledgdon Barn wedding venue near Herts/Essex border. www.barnevents.co.uk